Ok, time to continue our discussion of Happiness. Sorry it’s took awhile for part two to come your way- If you haven’t read PART 1, stop right now and go back and read it so you are all caught up!
finding peace and appreciation (vs expectation) in the day to day chaos
Let’s start with 3 things:
- we have to make the conscious choice to be happy (talked about this in Part 1) and take care of yourself- and grow
- we have to live joyfully. Make contributions by helping others.
- we must trade our expectations for appreciation
So, on that note:
A book I read cites multiples studies that say what you have in material wealth or any of the items I mentioned have almost no lasting impact on how happy you are as a person. I think we tend to look at people who have been blessed monetarily and automatically think they must be happier than us. However, multiple studies show that rich people have a much higher suicide rate than poor people which would suggest poor people are generally a lot more happy than the rich.
When we feel like we are in the depths of sorrow, the way out is service. How can we be depressed when we are helping others? Have you ever noticed that the happiest people are the ones who are always saying “I will”? These people have families, they work, they have busy homes, and they have almost no free time, but they find a way to serve. That’s their secret. The secret to real happiness is not to dwell on ourselves and our own problems. To be fulfilled in the now.
I heard a story on a podcast once- if you know my husband, you know he loves a good podcast- but this one made such sense to me. On an airplane, you are told – incase of an emergency to put your mask on first, and then your child’s. Seems selfish, right? However, you wont have anything for that child if you don’t put yours on and then can’t help them. In the same way- putting yourself in a beautiful state- putting that living oxygen inside of you and then you have things to give other people. Suffering begets more suffering. (sounds like something Tony Robbins would say, right? Well… he’s the one who did 🙂 )
When we’re fulfilled, we’re not a taker but a giver because we’re filled up. To be fulfilled:
- We must keep growing.
- We must make contribution by helping and serving others.
- We must trade our expectations for appreciation.
Yet often hard challenges can really take a toll on our personal experience and we end up focusing on our “achievement” alone,
Having said this- you have to go back to part one and remember the first step-The most important decision you can make, is to be happy. It is a conscious choice that we make for ourselves.
Yet often these hard challenges can really take a toll on our personal experience and we end up focusing on “achievement” alone. Robbins reminds us that achievement without fulfillment is the worst type of failure.
Suffering, which removes us from a beautiful state and happiness, comes from 3 thought patterns :
Loss. Less. Never.
- Loss. If you are in a situation where you believe someone, the govt, a friend, a family member, did something and because they did that you lost love, opportunity, respect- the illusion of loss is the place we suffer. It is unconsciously because we are obsessing about ourselves. Life as we expect it to be is not there and our expectations is what is keeping us from having happiness.
- Less. If you did something, I did something, you failed to do something and as a result, either of us have less respect, less joy, less opportunity, less love, or less something- you are going to suffer. You will have those negative emotions.
- Never. Because you did this, I didn’t do that and because of that we will never have something again. This causes people to get crazy inside.
Let me give you an example (that Robbins *can you see a pattern- this guy has changed my thinking with all of these thought nuggets!* gave that has resonated with me almost daily since I first heard it) that I’m sure we have all witnessed. You are headed on vacation, or a work trip- you get on the airplane and realize for the next several hours you won’t have internet- you will be away from your emails, something could happen! They might need you. Or, let’s not forget about being away from social media for a few hours- this could cause a person to stress. When honestly, what is stressful about sitting in a seat for a few hours. Then, they come on the overhead and say they have wifi on the plane- you get excited, people around you get excited. 20 minutes into the flight… the wifi goes down. And people go nuts. They get angry. They need wifi! 20 minutes earlier it was a miracle you had wifi – now its an expectation.
The antidote to this? Appreciation. Trade your expectations for appreciation and everything will change. If you live your life based on expectations your happiness is cheap. Get outside of yourself and find something to appreciate.
If you trade your expectations for appreciations- life can be beautiful.
there is beauty and stuff to appreciate every moment of every day…
to be continued….