Life is happening FOR us, not TO us.

Ok, I’m going to go a little deep on ya compared to our typical fashion, food, or fitness filled blog post. I promised you at the New Year that I was going to elaborate on finding joy and happiness in posts to come- so this is my first one. I would love to know your thoughts and feelings…..

I would like to ask you a question, Are you happy? I would assume that if you were able to answer my question, you would probably say, “Sure I’m happy”… although you would probably use some kind of qualifier such as…

But when this project is done at work, I will be happier… or

When my kids get a little older and more independent, I will be even happier… or

When I own a home, get a better job, have better health, or have more money or when my spouse does this or that, I will definitely be happier than I am now.

The purpose of our existence is to have joy. Why can’t we have joy now and not qualify it when some future situation may or may not happen?

I have struggled with what I call “cheap happiness” – happiness that is based on whether or not something is going my way, or whether or not other people have or have not let me down, or things of that nature. So, that is why a year or so ago I decided to truly figure out what is happiness and make a choice in my life to live in a beautiful state instead of a suffering one- which is one that is any feeling or emotion that removes you from your happy state.

I once read, “The trick is to enjoy life. Don’t wish away your days, waiting for better ones ahead.” I think there is so much wisdom in that statement. Things might now be perfect in our lives at this very moment but we can be joyful despite our trials.

So how do we do this? Well, we can understand where happiness comes from. Feeling happiness is a conscious choice we make for ourselves. We must choose to be happy.

From one of my favorite guys, Tony Robbins, I will paraphrase : There are two states you can live in- a beautiful state or a suffering state. You are either progressing forward in that beautiful place or life, or you are moving backwards. There is no stationary. If you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. There’s a survival mechanism in our brains that is always looking for what is wrong. That is what it does. You can fight it or flight it. Our primitive brain was looking for survival- avoiding tigers and making fire- we don’t have that anymore so now it worries about what people think, or do I have enough money. The mind is always looking for what’s wrong; however, there is always right there too.

Happiness has almost nothing to do with our circumstances and everything to do with our attitude.There is an exception here and that is with those living in extreme poverty that do not have shelter or food or a way to fulfill their basic needs. This group of people tends to benefit and actually become happier when those basic needs are met. How do we choose to be happy when we’re experiencing a trial or we suffer from depression?

I’ve noticed in my own life, when I’m depressed, I seem to turn inward. I think that my suffering is someone else’s fault and they are the reason why I’m not happy. I start to think that happiness can be found anywhere but the stage I’m in and I begin to feel sorry for myself. I begin to be selfish and only think of my own needs and my own sorrow. This is not a nice way to live. I have seen members of my family wallow in this thinking their whole lives and shut everyone else out. This thinking destroys their life and pushes their loved ones away. I’ve learned by watching them, this is not the way I want my life be.

Life is happening for us NOT TO us- it is our job to find out what the benefit is – if we do life can be magnificent.